Episode Transcript
Chris Rodell [00:00:00]:
Today, we'll be talking about the silence of the lamb scene I filmed with enigmatic Jodie Foster, how a New York City sex party would go over here in Western Pennsylvania, and the ways in which the Leo DiCaprio movie, The Revenant, was worse than winter. Hi. I'm Chris Rodell. I've written stories and features for just about every major magazine or publication in America. This is the Use All the Crayons podcast, where I'll share those colorful stories with you. My wife and I were catching up on season 1 finale of homeland, a show that features Claire Danes playing a confused blonde when our daughter walked in causing us to hastily flip to a show featuring another seemingly confused blonde. It was Jodie Foster accepting her lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes. That's when I became confused.
Chris Rodell [00:00:45]:
How do you give someone a lifetime achievement award to someone who's lived, let's hope, only half her life? Foster was 50 then. I guess since she's been performing since she was 3 that her career qualifies as a lifetime. What kind of award do you give her when she turns 80? An afterlifetime award? Parts of it made her seem assured, other parts bizarre. She seemed at one point to indicate she was bidding adieu to showbiz, and in another, she was going to trumpet her sexuality. She stood center stage at one of the world's most prominent award shows and issued an earnest plea for privacy. It was disconcerting seeing someone so poised playing screen roles behaving so jittery appearing as herself. And then sitting there looking ravaged by time and 5 years of unrelenting criticism was Mel Gibson, last seen working a furry hand puppet in the 2011 Foster direct bomb, The Beaver. His darkness seemed pervasive enough to consume all the light in a room full of stars.
Chris Rodell [00:01:34]:
Loyalty and the capacity to forgive are admirable qualities. But hailing the reprehensible Gibson as a really swell guy at a posh industry award show seemed more antagonistic than redemptive. Then there was this. Why Foster? They scrolled through her greatest films, and I kept thinking, stinker, stinker, stinker. Great movie. Stinker. Stinker. Her batting average is terrible.
Chris Rodell [00:01:55]:
For every taxi driver, there's been The Annel and a Contact, respectable and critically acclaimed stories, but nothing of enduring stature. The lovely Anne Hathaway thirty has had more compelling hits. It was all a little disorienting to me because like Gibson, I've worked with Foster. Unlike Gibson, I worked with her on her greatest film. This is true. I was a young newspaper reporter for the local paper in 91 when Foster was in the area filming The Silence of the Lambs. Someone involved in production asked if I wanted to be an extra. Of course, I did.
Chris Rodell [00:02:26]:
I was told I'd need to dress up in the attire that would convince film patrons I was an important businessman. They did about a dozen takes of me and About 10 other people walking through the local airport terminal with Foster marching behind me in the mix. I remember her trying to appear grave. I guess I was even less of an actor than I was a businessman because when we went to see the premier, they'd cut my 5 second scene. How cruel. But it was an interesting day because I got to watch Jodie Foster, already an Oscar winner for her role in the 1988 film, The Accused, eat lunch. My observations revealed she's dainty as you might expect. She ordered her salad dressing, it was French, on the side so she could control consumption, and she doesn't like being interrupted when she eats.
Chris Rodell [00:03:08]:
This became apparent when the restaurant owner, a bombastic Italian gent, came over and asked if he could have his picture taken with her. He was going to put it up on the wall that featured glossy photos of him alongside such luminaries as Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra, and Arnold Palmer. She politely, but insistently with her fork hovering in midair, told him no and that she wished to be left alone. The old man was outraged. It was an enormous snub. He literally had to be dragged away from a table in his own restaurant sputtering his indignations. Who, he kept asking, does she think she is? I'd seen that old man every once in a while over the next few years before he died, and I'd always ask just to get him going the same question over and over. Who does that Jodie Foster think she is? Funny, more than 20 years later, I'm not sure she even knows.
Jimi Beattie [00:03:59]:
Hey. This is Jim Beattie. Well, nobody knows it, but I'm Chris's bodyguard.
Buck Pawlosky [00:04:05]:
Oh, I see. I'm Buck Pawlowski, owner of the Tin Lizzie here in Youngstown, PA. I put up with Chris Rodell every day.
Mike [00:04:12]:
Hi. This is Mike with 5 12 Coffee and Ice Cream, and our colorful tip of the day is number 921. Be a Johnny Nappleseed. Tell friends about studies that shown power nappers experience benefits in both and body, and it worked for renowned nappers like Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, and Leonardo da Vinci.
Chris Rodell [00:04:43]:
My mind was blown when I read New York City cops busted an 80 person sex party at a club called Caligula. Inside, it was wall to wall sex, man on man, women on women, mixes, multiples, name it. As you can surmise, my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail or else today's story would likely have kicked off with news about things other than minds getting blown. Eighty people. I can't think of 80 people with whom I'd like to party fully clothed. I have so many questions. Do people wear name tags? And if so, where do you put them? I would think composing an artful invitation to a big sex party would be fraught with challenges. You can't call it intimate if The are going to be 80 folks there, yet the very essence of a sex party promises sweet intimacy itself.
Chris Rodell [00:05:22]:
That is if your idea of intimacy is screwing someone you just met while some other stranger watches and apologizes for dropping cigarette ashes on your naked ass. And what do you wear to a sex party on a chilly November evening? Do you layer up or just put on a trench coat over that Speedo? Speaking of coats, being the coat checker on a sex party would be exhausting. Welcome to Caligula. I'll take your hat, now your coat, now your blazer, your tie, your belt, your watch, your shoes. Who gets the pretty ones? There are bound to be a few that everyone covets. Is there a player draft like the NFL has each spring? How bad would you feel if you go into a sex party with 79 horny people and you couldn't get laid. You'd feel like I thought from 1981 to 85, only instead of 79 horny swingers, there were 14,000 of them. Instead of New York City, was Athens, Ohio.
Chris Rodell [00:06:08]:
But getting laid wasn't the reason I attended Ohio University, so I'm not bitter. Getting laid and getting drunk was the reason I attended Ohio University. Let's just say I'm gee whiz wistful. I don't think you could really get a rocking sex party in a town like Larobe. Everybody already knows everybody. There's already a lot of time consuming gossip. So there I was screwing mister Watson, he's the crossing guard at Billy's school, when Fred the the barber comes barging in like he's late for a tea time. I said, wait your damn turn, Fred.
Chris Rodell [00:06:34]:
I ain't the Walmart, and I ain't no Black Friday doorbuster sale. I wonder what old doc Fauci would say if you'd give him a hypothetical about attending an orgy where you could only wear 1 or the other, either a mask or a condom. And you can't get cute by spending half the night with the mask over your face, half with it over your penis and vice versa. Me, I'd skip them both if somebody would offer me a sturdy pair of galoshes. What to bring to any party is always tricky. You can't go wrong with a nice bottle of wine. Some would say a bold Cabernet or maybe a crisp buttery Chardonnay. Those are fine, but I have a suggestion for what to bring if you want to be well received if you ever get invited to a neighborhood sex party.
Chris Rodell [00:07:12]:
Listerine.
John Jamison [00:07:18]:
John Jamieson, retired sheep farmer, Crabtree, Pennsylvania.
Chris Rodell [00:07:26]:
Why is Jamison lamb the best lamb in the world?
John Jamison [00:06:34]:
It's the best lamb in the world because we have The the best grass in the world. Tony Bourdain said we started all of the change in the food business.
Chris Rodell [00:07:40]:
That's a lot to be proud of.
John Jamison [00:07:41]:
It was a big deal.
Stan Gordon [00:07:43]:
Hi. I'm Stan Gordon, researcher and author, and here's your colorful living tip of the day. Don't act surprised eyes when scientists claim Earth's been rotating for 4,530,000,000 years. The surprises never started to squeak.
Chris Rodell [00:08:03]:
I used to think the longest winter was 2010 because it lasted from Halloween through near Easter. I was mistaken. The The longest winter lasted 2 hours and 36 minutes. Yes. Me and some buddies went to see The Revenant. I hated it. It's like the producers fully embrace the maxim that revenge is a dish best served cold, like below 0 frostbit snot dripping from your unruly mustache cold. It dragged on for so long, my buddy speculated aloud that pitchers and catchers were bound to soon report to spring training.
Chris Rodell [00:08:31]:
It was so bad. It made me grateful when it finally mercifully ended so I could go outdoors and get smacked in the face with actual winter. Worse, now I'll forever relate true winter with The revenant winter. For instance, we're still digging out from about 2 feet of snow from the weekend blizzard. And god help me, I'm finding charming things to say about real winter. This was the weekend we go on our annual Rodell winter escape. It's not to Disney, Key West or someplace graced with two digit highs. No.
Chris Rodell [00:08:56]:
We go to Sharon, Pennsylvania, which is about 90 minutes north of Pittsburgh. Been doing so for about 8 years. Now Bar aficionados will understand immediately why we go to Sharon. It's the home of Quaker Steak and Lube, one of the finest bar restaurants in Pennsylvania. It's been there since 1974. There are now 53 locations in 9 states, one in Toronto, but none of them has the heirloom charm of the original. I I used to road trip there with buddies and then with Val before kids. Then one day about 8 years ago, after a long drive we needed to overnight, insurance seemed logical.
Chris Rodell [00:09:29]:
We happened to pull into a Holiday Inn Express. Now many of you are aware of my travel writing bona fides. I've guested at the Breakers, the Greenbrier, many of North America's finest resorts. In short, I ate no hick. But on that day, the HIE near Sharon took a back seat to none. The staff was friendly. They had a happy hour wine bar and a chocolate fondue fountain in the lobby. They were cheap, and they had an indoor pool.
Chris Rodell [00:09:53]:
For road weary parents of 2 little girls, it was perfect. So we made the winter tradition to go to Sharon. The girls shop at the Grove City outlets on the way up. We swim, get a pizza delivered. It's part of the hotel stay package. And then on Saturday, we go to the The Lube for a wing fest. We've had the girls at some swanky joints. Yes.
Chris Rodell [00:10:10]:
But I'll wager they'll remember our Sharon nights as fondly and warmly as any or not warmly because we always try and time the weekend to the worst weather of the year. Makes enjoying the indoor pool that much more fun. Turns out we we were about 40 miles from having one of our best weekends be one of our worst. That's how far we were from being stuck for 30 hours on the Pennsylvania turnpike. I can't imagine how my family would have reacted had we been marooned with 500 other motorists in a blizzard that shut down the pike. Stories of heroism and cowardice continue to emerge. People shared provisions and warmth and held kangaroo courts when panicky motorists endangered others with escape attempts. I won't be surprised if we hear reports of ketchup and cannibalism.
Chris Rodell [00:10:49]:
Now that's a movie I'd love to see. As it was, I'm immensely relieved we missed any part of the storm that caused so much misery to so many. We made it home safely, and I got to spend the rest of the weekend alternately frolicking in the winter wonderland with our daughters and shoveling about 2 feet of snow from the 350 feet of driveway. Truly, this morning, I'm feeling like Hercules, only Hercules high on Advil. I didn't think I could do it. There was just too much snow. In fact, I told Val, I don't think I can do it. She burst out laughing.
Chris Rodell [00:11:18]:
I'm still uncertain whether the laughter was her way of saying, hon, I know you can do it, or her way of saying, hon, you have no choice but to do it. Either way, I did it, and it was hell. I hated every second of it. Still not as bad as having me sit through The Revenant. Thanks to our friends at Headspace Media All Latrobe for technical expertise, Cheer for encouragement and for always letting a lone ranger feel like he's part of the team. Thanks to Robindale Energy for their gracious and essential support. If you enjoy The podcast, we urge you to share, rate, and review. Be sure to tell all your friends and urge them to tell all their friends.
Chris Rodell [00:11:55]:
The world really, really needs us right now, and that means we really, really need you.
